Have you ever felt more shocked than you expected after seeing news of a favorite celebrity’s romance or marriage announcement?
“I wanted them to be happy, but…”
“I don’t have romantic feelings for them, so why am I feeling so down?”
“I want to be happy for them, but I can’t feel genuinely joyful.”
Some people may be confused because they don’t quite understand the reason themselves.
Among fans, there are those who can sincerely celebrate a favorite celebrity’s marriage.
On the other hand, there are also those who suddenly lose interest or find they can no longer support them as they did before.
Why do fans react differently to the same event?
And why are we so emotionally moved by the romance or marriage of someone we have never even met in the first place?
In fact, there is research in psychology that can serve as a reference for understanding these emotions.
In this article, we will explore the reasons why a favorite celebrity’s romance or marriage can be shocking, based on papers that have investigated the psychology of idol fans and the one-sided psychological connections with celebrities.
*This article examines emotions regarding a favorite celebrity’s romance or marriage from a psychological perspective. It is not intended to evaluate the dating circumstances or private lives of specific celebrities.
1. Why do we have special feelings for a favorite celebrity even without romantic love?
First, let’s consider the psychological relationship with a favorite celebrity.
When you are actively supporting a favorite, you end up seeing the same person repeatedly through television, live performances, social media, and more.
Listening to their favorite songs, enjoying the programs they appear in, and following news about their activities.
As you spend years doing these things, that favorite celebrity can become a special presence in your daily life.
What is useful here is the concept of “parasocial relationships,” which is studied in psychology.
What are parasocial relationships?
Parasocial relationships refer to the one-sided psychological connections formed with celebrities or figures in the media.
For example, fans may feel that they know their favorite celebrity’s personality, way of thinking, and past activities well.
However, the celebrity themselves does not know the life or way of thinking of each individual fan.
Even so, a sense of familiarity and attachment can develop on the fan’s side.
This phenomenon was discussed by Horton and Wohl in 1956, and research has continued since then.
In a 2022 review by Hoffner and Bond, parasocial relationships are also described as one-sided social and emotional connections with celebrities and others.
Furthermore, it is pointed out that while such relationships can have positive effects on things like well-being, they can also involve undesirable effects.
In other words, having special feelings for a favorite celebrity cannot be explained by romantic feelings alone.
The fact that the celebrity has become a presence deeply involved in one’s daily life and emotions is also an important factor.
Reference paper:
Hoffner & Bond (2022)
Parasocial relationships, social media, & well-being
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2022.101306
2. The feeling of “my favorite celebrity” is also studied in psychology
Next, I would like to introduce the concept of “psychological ownership.”
Psychological ownership is a psychological sense of feeling that a certain object is “one’s own” or “deeply connected to oneself,” regardless of legal ownership.
The “ownership” referred to here does not mean that one has the right to control the other person.
A study targeting 550 Japanese idol fans
In 2023, Junko Inoue and Yasushi Ueda conducted a study on psychological ownership toward favorite celebrities, targeting 550 Japanese idol fans.
The results showed that psychological ownership toward idols mainly has the following two aspects:
1. Psychological sense of oneness
Feeling a psychological connection between yourself and your favorite celebrity.
② Psychological sense of responsibility
Relating to the sense of responsibility to support and back your favorite celebrity.
Research reports that these factors are associated with awareness of other fans and the desire to continue supporting the celebrity.
What is interesting is that the feelings toward a favorite celebrity are not just simple affection.
“I have supported them for a long time”
“I have watched them work hard”
“I want them to continue to be successful”
As these thoughts accumulate, the psychological bond with the celebrity may strengthen.
So, what happens if there is sudden news of such a celebrity dating or getting married?
Some fans may feel that the psychological distance or relationship they felt until then has changed.
However, this is an interpretation based on research findings.
This study does not directly prove that “fans with a stronger sense of psychological ownership are more shocked by dating or marriage news.”
Reference paper
Junko Inoue & Yasushi Ueda (2023)
“Psychological Ownership of Fans Toward Idols and Its Effects: Awareness of Other Fans and Effects on Well-being”
Marketing Journal, Vol. 43, No. 1, pp. 18–28.
https://doi.org/10.7222/marketing.2023.034
3. Is being shocked by a favorite celebrity’s marriage due to a change in the ideal image?
From here on, this is a psychological analysis based on research.
One reason for feeling shocked upon learning of a favorite celebrity’s romance or marriage is the “difference from the image held until then.”
For example,
“I admired their persona as an idol”
“I loved their presence on stage more than anything”
“I was attracted to how much they valued their fans”
There may be people who feel this way.
When encountering news of a romance or a marriage announcement amidst such feelings, one may suddenly feel the private life of their favorite celebrity—which they had not been conscious of before—as a reality.
Of course, the celebrity themselves has not become a different person.
Their singing ability, acting skills, and past achievements do not disappear either.
Even so, there is a possibility that the image of the person held by the fan or the charm felt toward the celebrity may change.
It may not be that “the favorite celebrity has changed,” but rather “one’s own perspective has changed”
For example, someone who previously enjoyed the stage without imagining romance might suddenly think of the partner’s existence after a romance report.
Even when listening to the same songs as before, it may feel as though the way they are received has changed.
It is conceivable that such changes occur.
This does not necessarily mean that the celebrity’s actions were wrong.
It means that even if there is no change in the celebrity themselves, the image and expectations within the fan may change, potentially making it impossible to enjoy them in the same way as before.that is.
However, this explanation is a hypothesis derived from the research reviewed this time and is not a conclusion directly verified regarding the shock of romance or marriage.
4. Why do some people feel a sense of loss as if they had a broken heart?
When learning of a favorite celebrity’s romance or marriage,
“I feel like I have lost something”
Some people may feel that “the support I’ve given until now feels distant.”
There may be those who feel this way.
To consider these emotions, research on the loss of parasocial relationships is a useful reference.
When a one-sided psychological relationship is lost
A 2025 study by Cuddy and Ellithorpe, published online, examines the psychological distress experienced when a parasocial relationship is lost.
In this study, 196 participants were surveyed to compare scenarios such as the death of a television character, the end of a show, and viewers choosing to stop watching on their own.
The results showed that stronger distress was reported in cases involving the death of a character or the end of a show compared to when viewers chose to stop watching on their own.
Additionally, thinking deeply about the relationship was associated with the magnitude of the distress.
This study did not directly investigate the marriage of a favorite celebrity.
Marriage does not necessarily mean the relationship between a fan and their favorite celebrity actually ends.
Even so, the point that a sense of loss can arise when a psychological relationship one felt was important changes or feels as though it has been lost is a useful reference.
Some fans may find it difficult to support their favorite celebrity with the same feelings as before due to their marriage, and may feel that their psychological connection has changed.
Reference Paper
Cuddy & Ellithorpe (Published online 2025, to be included in a 2026 volume)
“I was Absolutely Devastated at This Death”: Refining the Conceptualization and Processes of Parasocial Breakup Distress
https://doi.org/10.1080/15213269.2025.2554102
5. When feelings for a favorite celebrity cool down, what is happening in the fan’s mind?
In fact, there is also research that has examined the process of moving away from a favorite celebrity.
In 2022, Chinese researchers He and Sun investigated the psychological adaptation process when fans stop supporting their favorite celebrity.
This study investigated Chinese social media and online communities over a three-year period.
As a result, three main stages were identified in the process of distancing oneself from a favorite idol.
1. Stage of resistance
This is a period of feeling shock or intense stress.
It may be difficult to accept reality, or complex emotions may arise.
2. Stage of conflict and negotiation
This is a stage where feelings fluctuate regarding whether to continue supporting them or to walk away.
Sometimes, the feelings one used to have do not align with current feelings.
3. Stage of recovery and reconstruction
This is a stage of organizing past experiences and reconstructing one’s relationship with their own feelings and life.
This study is a qualitative analysis of the experience of fans giving up on their favorite idols.
Not everyone necessarily follows this exact order.
Furthermore, it did not examine every single fan who experienced their idol dating or getting married.
Nevertheless, it serves as a reference for understanding the psychology of people who had a strong attachment to an idol and are now conflicted about whether to continue supporting them.
Reference paper
He & Sun (2022)
Breaking up with my idol: A qualitative study of the psychological adaptation process of renouncing fanship
Frontiers in Psychology
https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.1030470
6. Why do some people celebrate a marriage announcement while others are shocked by the same news?
Up to this point, I have explained the psychological connection to a favorite idol and changes in that relationship.
So, why do people react so differently when they hear the same marriage announcement?
One possible reason is the difference in what people seek from their favorite celebrity and what kind of appeal they find in them.
For example, there might be fans like the following:
1. People who primarily enjoy the celebrity’s activities themselves
These are people who support them mainly for their singing, acting, dancing, or their work.
Even upon learning of a dating or marriage announcement, they may feel that the appeal of the work remains unchanged.
2. People who are attracted to the celebrity’s personality or worldview
These are people who are attracted not only to their stage presence but also to their character, atmosphere, and relationship with fans.
The announcement of a relationship or marriage might change their previous image, causing their feelings to waver.
3. People who find special meaning in long-term support
These are people who have followed their activities for years, attended concerts, and watched them grow.
If supporting their favorite celebrity has become a major part of their life, it might take time to process a sudden announcement.
However, these are just examples to help readers organize their own feelings, not a fan classification established by research.
And there is no single correct way to support someone.
What is important is that the appeal fans find in their favorite celebrity and the meaning they find in supporting them differ from person to person.
That difference may lead to the variation in reactions to dating or marriage news.
7. Are “I want them to be happy” and “I’m shocked” contradictory?
Upon learning of a favorite celebrity’s relationship or marriage, some people might feel this way:
“I wanted them to be happy, so why can’t I be genuinely happy for them?”
However, these two feelings are not necessarily contradictory.
Wishing for someone’s happiness and feeling lonely or shocked yourself are different emotions.
For example,
“I want to respect their freedom to marry”
while thinking,
“Even so, I feel lonely right now”
is a possible reaction.
Also,
“I’ve supported them for so long, so I want them to be happy”
while thinking,
“I’m not sure if I can continue supporting them with the same feelings as before”
is also a possible reaction.
What we want to distinguish here is that emotions and actions are not the same.
Just because you have feelings that prevent you from offering congratulations does not mean it is acceptable to attack the other person.
On the other hand, respecting the other person’s freedom to date or marry is also separate from being obligated to continue supporting them.
A favorite celebrity can choose their own life.
And fans also have the freedom to choose how they spend their own money and time.
Thinking about these two things separately may help in organizing complex feelings.
8. How do you process your feelings when a favorite celebrity’s romance or marriage comes as a shock?
Psychological research provides clues to understanding the complex emotions regarding a favorite celebrity’s romance or marriage.
However, there is no established coping method that is guaranteed to be effective for everyone.
Here, I will introduce some practical ways of thinking to help you process your emotions.
1. Think about what exactly shocked you
Even if we use the same word, “shock,” the underlying meaning varies from person to person.
For example:
-
The fact of the romance or marriage itself
-
Knowing that they have a partner
-
The change in the image you had of them as an ideal
-
The timing or method of the announcement
-
The discrepancy with their previous statements
-
Anxiety that their future activities might change
Sorting out what you are reacting to can sometimes make it easier to understand your feelings.
However, if thinking about it makes you feel worse, there is no need to force yourself to find a reason.
2. Take a little distance from social media
Immediately after news of a romance or marriage is announced, various opinions flood social media.
There are people who offer congratulations, and there are people who are shocked.
Among them, there may be unconfirmed rumors or extreme language.
Seeing such information repeatedly can cause your own feelings to be shaken as well.
Checking only the necessary official information and temporarily distancing yourself from the opinions of other fans is also a valid choice.
3. You don’t have to decide right away whether to continue supporting them
Immediately after an announcement, your emotions may be in a state of significant flux.
At such times,
“I’m quitting being a fan”
“I will definitely keep supporting them”
You do not need to reach a conclusion immediately.
Can you enjoy their music as you did before?
Do you feel like going to their live concerts?
Can you take an interest in their new activities?
It is perfectly fine to check in with your feelings after some time has passed.
Of course, deciding to stop supporting them is also your own choice.
④ You don’t have to deny the fun you had in the past
It is natural for your feelings toward your favorite celebrity to change after news of a relationship or marriage.
However, just because your current feelings have changed, it does not mean your past support was meaningless.
The fun you had at concerts.
The excitement you felt waiting for new songs.
The encouragement you received from their activities.
The joy you felt at those times remains as your experience from that period.
Perhaps it is okay to think of whether to support them in the future separately from how you view your memories up until now.
9. Summary | Being shocked by a celebrity’s marriage is not just about romantic feelings
There is never just one reason for feeling shocked by a celebrity’s relationship or marriage.
From the psychological research introduced here, the following mechanisms provide clues to understanding those emotions.
1. Parasocial relationships
Even if you are not actually in a close relationship, you may feel a psychological connection or attachment to your favorite celebrity.
2. Psychological ownership
A sense of psychological unity with the celebrity or a sense of responsibility to support them may arise.
3. Changes in image and expectations
A romance or marriage can potentially change the image of the celebrity held by fans.
4. Psychological sense of loss
You may feel that the psychological relationship you cherished has changed, leading to feelings of loneliness or conflict.
However, these studies do not fully explain all the reasons for the shock felt over a celebrity’s marriage.
Feelings vary from fan to fan; some may be able to offer congratulations, while others may need time.
Even if you wished for your favorite celebrity’s happiness, your own feelings may not necessarily catch up right away.
And just because you felt shocked, it does not mean that your support up until now was a lie.
The celebrity has the freedom to choose their own life, and fans have the freedom to choose how they support them.
I believe it is important to think of these two things separately.
It is okay to continue supporting them as you have.
It is okay to keep a little distance.
It is okay to cherish the memories of when you loved them while finding other things to enjoy.
If you felt confused after learning about a celebrity’s romance or marriage, I hope this article helps you understand your own feelings.
Read also
I was disillusioned by a celebrity I loved. ‘Knowing when to step back from fandom’ realized through exhaustion from anger
This article explores whether to continue supporting your favorite celebrity when your feelings toward them change.
To continue supporting your favorite celebrity without burnout. When you want to rethink the distance between you and your favorite celebrity
This introduces ways of thinking to enjoy supporting your favorite celebrity while valuing your own life.
References
1. Hoffner, C. A., & Bond, B. J. (2022)
Parasocial relationships, social media, & well-being.
Current Opinion in Psychology, 45, 101306.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2022.101306
2. Junko Inoue & Yasushi Ueda (2023)
“Psychological Ownership of Fans Toward Idols and Its Effects: Awareness of Other Fans and Effects on Well-being”
Marketing Journal, 43(1), 18–28.
https://doi.org/10.7222/marketing.2023.034
3. Cuddy, L., & Ellithorpe, M. (Published online 2025)
“I was Absolutely Devastated at This Death”: Refining the Conceptualization and Processes of Parasocial Breakup Distress.
Media Psychology.
https://doi.org/10.1080/15213269.2025.2554102
4. He, Y., & Sun, Y. (2022)
Breaking up with my idol: A qualitative study of the psychological adaptation process of renouncing fanship.
Frontiers in Psychology, 13, 1030470.
https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.1030470
5. Horton, D., & Wohl, R. R. (1956)
Mass communication and para-social interaction: Observations on intimacy at a distance.
Psychiatry, 19(3), 215–229.
https://doi.org/10.1080/00332747.1956.11023049
*This article is a discussion based on psychological research. The studies introduced include those that directly examined idol fans and those that examined general parasocial relationships. This does not mean that the ’causes of feeling shocked by a favorite celebrity’s dating or marriage’ have all been scientifically confirmed.
