Celebrity breakups have a way of shocking us to our core.
“This is the post I never wanted to see.” “Is love even real?” “Love is dead.” These are just some of the many comments online following the news of Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban’s divorce after 19 years together.
Anyone who spends too much time on the internet will tell you this isn’t the first time a celebrity breakup has left fans questioning the validity of true love.
Take Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner’s split in 2015 or Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan’s separation in 2018 (one we’re still personally getting over).
While we see some high-profile splits coming from a mile away — sorry, Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick — others hit harder.
So why do some celebrity breakups feel so personal?
Psychologist and author of When Will It Happen For Me?, Phoebe Rogers, says our near-constant social media use plays a monumental role in our perception of a-list couples.
“We are bombarded with more insights into the lives of celebrity couples and these images feel relatively intimate,” Phoebe notes.
Naturally, the more positive news you see of a public figure, the more you care for them. Enter: The parasocial relationship.
“The way [celebrities’] lives and stories are presented to us is often filled with glamour,” Phoebe notes.
“With many celebrity couples we’re shown the good while the cracks remain hidden, while the media perpetuates this idealising of love and relationships.”
When couples have longevity, we have a lot of exposure to their wins, rather than a realistic insight into their struggles.
Celebrity splits tapping into our relationship fears
Following Nicole’s public split with Tom Cruise, some saw Keith Urban as the man who saved her.
We can say the same about Selena Gomez’s relationship with Benny Blanco following her on-and-off eight-year stint with Justin Bieber.
“Whether it’s Keith and Nicole or Benny and Selena, many women look to these love stories as examples of hope,” Phoebe explains.
“The good, sweet girl finally meets a good, kind guy, so many of us still put love and coupledom on a pedestal as the answer to all of life’s woes.”
Phoebe says when these relationships end (touch wood, Selena and Benny can make it), they feel personal for two reasons.
Firstly, because of the symbolism involved, and secondly, because it taps into our fears of relationships ending.
“I think there’s this belief, ‘well, if they can’t make it, what hope do the rest of us have?’,” she notes.
So, what solution do we have?
For Phoebe, it’s simple: stop framing a breakup — celebrity, or otherwise — as a failure.
“We forget that celebrities are human, with their own struggles,” she explains.
“They’re just as vulnerable to heartbreak as the rest of us.
“[Relationships] are not about the outcome, they’re about growth and choosing what is good for us.”
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